The acts
of
holding,
rocking,
singing,
feeding,
gazing,
kissing,
and
other
nurturing
behaviors
involved
in
caring
for
infants
and
young
children
are
bonding
experiences.
Factors
crucial
to
bonding
include
time
together
(in
childhood,
quantity
does
matter!),
face-to-face
interactions,
eye
contact,
physical
proximity,
touch,
and
other
primary
sensory
experiences
such as
smell,
sound,
and
taste.
Scientists
believe
the most
important
factor
in
creating
attachment
is
positive
physical
contact
(e.g.,
hugging,
holding,
and
rocking).
It
should
be no
surprise
that
holding,
gazing,
smiling,
kissing,
singing,
and
laughing
all
cause
specific
neurochemical
activities
in the
brain.
These
neurochemical
activities
lead to
normal
organization
of brain
systems
that are
responsible
for
attachment.
An
essential
ingredient
of
bonding
is
attunement.
Attunement
is being
aware of
and
responsive
to
another.
This
sensitivity
to
others
depends
on our
attention
to
non-verbal
communication.
The
majority
of human
communication
is
non-verbal.
In fact,
without
our
being
aware of
it, a
huge
percentage
of what
our
brains
perceive
in
communication
with
others
is
non-verbal
signals:
eye
movements,
facial
gestures,
tone of
voice,
the move
of a
hand, or
tip of
the
head.
Even as
one area
of the
brain is
processing
and
attending
to the
words
in an
interaction,
other
areas
are
continually
focusing
on and
responding
to the
non-verbal
actions
that
accompany
the
words.
From
this
process,
a child
can
literally
sense
your
interest,
your
approval,
and your
enthusiasm.
Communication
and
interaction
are both
greatly
influenced
by our
internal
state.
Our
bodies
and our
minds
move
through
predictable
rhythms
driven
by
powerful
physiological
processes.
Sleep
and
wake;
hunger
and
satiety--the
human
brain's
capacity
to
focus,
listen,
learn,
and
communicate
is
shaped
by the
symphony
of
dozens
of
patterns
of
rhythmic
biological
activity.
They
create,
in any
given
moment,
a
person's
internal
state.
In some
of these
states,
we are
attentive
and
receptive
(e.g.,
when
calm or
satisfied),
while in
other
states,
we are
incapable
of
learning
(e.g.,
when
exhausted,
asleep,
sad, or
afraid).
In order
to be
attuned
to
someone,
we must
interpret
both
their
verbal
and
non-verbal
cues--reflections
of their
powerful
physiological
rhythms.
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